Self-identity: Why I can't identify as being British

Hello fellow reader, I hope you are having a great start to the new year. So this week I was participating in a project in university organised by our vice president for welfare called Human library. The idea behind the event is that people represent a ‘book title’, or a ‘label’ that people might have misconceptions of, and people can ‘borrow’ a book and have a conversation with them regarding what it’s like being that title. Titles can range from different religions, races, genders, to people suffering from a mental or physical disability, or anything that people may have a biased towards.

My title was immigrant, more specifically talking about my life growing up in the UK as an immigrant from Nigeria and my experiences so far whether good or bad. The event was amazing as it not only allowed people to represent their own stories but also created a conversation around important topic whether it is Immigration, being a young black woman, Christianity or as a Muslim male. In my case, I was asked a number of questions on my experiences growing up in both Nigeria and the UK but most importantly the story behind my self-identity which I was constantly asked by everyone I met. Questions like do I identify as being British or Nigerian?, whether I ever feel like an outsider when I travel back to Nigeria or just how I coped assimilating in the UK. Although these are quite simple questions it made me think about my self-identity and where I see myself in the UK.

To all those questions my answer was always no. No, I do not identify as being British and I don't think this will change. This isn't a hateful or spiteful response, I am grateful for the opportunities and experiences I have had since I moved to the UK. However, after 10 years since I moved to the UK, i still identify as being Nigerian. This may be because I'm not a British citizen but also I have never really felt a part of British culture or even been made to feel a part of being British and I still feel this will still be the same when I do become a British citizen. This may be because of the way I've grown up in an ethnically and culturally homogeneous community in Nigeria and even though I now live in the UK I had a traditionally Nigerian upbringing with my mum speaking Yoruba to me and my siblings, eating Nigerian food on a daily basis and although I do not live in Nigeria, I am still connected to those back home and enjoy keeping this connection to my roots.

Since I moved to the UK at the age of 9 and I started school it has always been obvious that I was quite different from most people in my class. when I grew up in Nigeria it was quite easy to assimilate even though Nigeria, with its different cultures and ethnic groups I grew up in a very homogeneous community.

However, when I moved to the UK this wasn't the case as I was now surrounded with people of different races, from different cultural backgrounds. However, with this amazing sense of multiculturalism came the problem of assimilating as most people in my schools were British born whilst I wasn't. I had no sense of British culture and funny enough still don't until today. It was also quite obvious that I was quite different from just the way I spoke and my behaviour. There is no denial that like everyone in a new environment I found it difficult assimilating in the UK. This meant I was bullied in school for most of my years in secondary school. I began to reject things about myself that made me different from everyone else. I did not want to be called Omolade anymore but Elizabeth (my middle name) because it made me sound more 'English' than an outsider and no one could ever say or spell omolade properly. However, no matter how much I tried to change myself I was still bullied as I lacked self -confidence in myself which, looking back now was used to pull me down. It has been only recently that I've begun to become true to myself, accepting my quirks and differences which are unique to me but also being proud of my heritage. I have learnt not to compromise myself identity in order to be accepted.

This is a poem by Ijeoma Umebinyuo from her book Questions for Ada. This poem sums up this post perfectly for me.